My Ride With Angelyne

 

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My ride with Angelyne:

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It’s a scam. I think everyone “wins” a 40-minute ride with Angelyne who drops their business card in the jar.

First, as soon as you greet her at the Coffe Bean on a Sunset Blvd, she drags you to the trunk of her pink Vette where she has her $60 dollar t-shirts, pet dog collar tags, and rumbler chicken purses. She brings out her paintings (also for sale) which, by the way, I kind of liked. Lots of big breasts and skull imagery. 
But before you drive off together, you must buy her coffee – “the Angelyne special signature coffee”.
Oh, when you take your phone out, she warns you that each picture you take will cost you $20. And if and when you do, she sets up your pose and puts a fan in front of her face. She then grabs your phone to make sure she approves of the picture.

A forty minute ride with Angelyne soon felt a bit unnecessary and redundant. I had all these questions I planned to ask, but soon realized she was not going to give me much beyond her usual schtick and sales pitch. I told her that I didn’t really need the whole 40 minutes, and that she could just drop me off at home, which was only a few blocks away.

She turned on the music loud and asked if I wanted to hear songs from her own CDs. How could I say no? I actually had no choice. I don’t know what I was expecting, but the songs she played were surprisingly weird and dark – a bit Twin Peaks. She said she was in a punk band in the day and knew Nina Hagen.

Then she said she had to stop for gas. She wanted me to use my credit card, but I finally stood up to her and said no – I was already out $60. She accepted that, but requested that I man the pump, as she would look unglamorous for the paparazzi. Plus, I already “looked like a tom boy”

As we arrived to my driveway, she made me stay in the car to listen to two more songs. I have to say, I actually kind of liked them. Before I got out of the car, she asked me if I ever had an out-of-body experience. I said no. Her parting words were, “well, never do it”.

Am I glad I did it? You bet. Would I do it again? Probably not. But I did leave more curious than ever. When I got home, I Googled her to find out her age, real name, and backstory. She is still a complete mystery.

Last note: Linda Thompson responded that she admires Angelyne for doing the hustle so long. I do to.  I just suggested to her that I have an old 1978 Ford pickup. I think she and I should team up, make up t-shirts, and take people for a ride. Wouldn’t you go? I would only charge you $5 for photos however.

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